anatomy of a painting

A snapshot of  "not even a diplomat, 4" at an in-progress stage weeks ago, and then the completed painting. Almost every one of my paintings hits a catch point in its creation where I get stuck. Because by that point I've spent time on the painting, my heart is in it, there are interesting bits of the painting that I am attached to, and I feel more invested and afraid to mess it up. Even though I'm sure it's not finished, I freeze. For hours or days or weeks, I stand back, ponder, and wait for inspiration to hit. I see the painting in my dreams and in my car and in the shower and while I'm running. I feel faraway and somewhat anxious, like I have a nagging, unsolved problem that won't let me rest.  I beat myself up and convince myself I'm a total fraud and it was all luck that carried me this far. But I'm like a junkie and I can't stop and would never stop because the breakthrough brings the most amazing sense of peace and a crazy high and happiness.

With just yellow line, life is all good again.